The other day, my husband Sam took our 8-year-old son, Tom, out for some one-on-one time. It’s fundamental to the way he connects with all of our children individually.

With our two other sons, they’ll generally head out of the house to the cricket nets or footy oval for some practice, or to a local café for a bite to eat. But Tom had always had his one-on-one time in his playroom at home, because he’s autistic and it’s where he feels safe. For a while there he didn’t even venture out into his own backyard.

So you can imagine our delight at the following conversation:

“When am I going to have one-on-one time with you, Dad?”

“We have one-on-one time in your playroom all the time!”

“No, when are we going to have one-on-one time OUTSIIIIDE the house, like you have with my brothers?”

“Whenever you’re ready! What would you like to do?”

“I’d like to go to the oval and kick the football with you.”

Wow. He actually wanted to go out. Little moment, big deal. Ticker-tape-parade stuff. We were jumping up and down with excitement at this new chapter in our incredible son’s life.

Tom was diagnosed on the autism spectrum at age 5. Soon after, he battled whooping cough and a bout of the flu, and his health and development regressed severely. It was like he had checked out of life. Folded into himself. The world had simply become a terrifying place for him.

It was a confusing time. We were desperate for answers for our beautiful, gentle, capable boy who seemed to be slipping away from us more and more each day. But when a doctor suggested we put him on anxiety medication, I knew that wasn’t an option I wanted to take – and I was surprised that the offer was made so readily, so lightly. I couldn’t see how it would help him. I wanted to know why he was so anxious.

The first piece of the healing puzzle

One day, as I searched the shelves of our local bookstore yet again, I came across a book called ‘What You Can Do Right Now for Your Child with Autism’ by Jonathan Levy, a former teacher at the Autism Treatment Center of America (ATCA).

1. Social skills development

The ATCA runs a unique treatment program called the Son-Rise Program, which advocates a loving, accepting approach to helping children with autism. Jonathan’s book was like a quick ‘start-up’ guide, and when we applied some of the techniques, we saw an immediate change in our son. It seemed to bring out the best in him – and us.

We travelled to the ATCA to learn how to run our own play-based social skills program at home. Son-Rise helped us create a nurturing environment packed with things that were interesting to Tom, that used his own motivations to develop his skills. It also helped us recognise when he was open to interaction and learning and – just as importantly – when he needed to be in control, or in his own ‘world’. By being respectful of where he’s at, we know when to encourage his growth in our world, and when to join him in his world. Both places have vital roles to play in his life.

2. Natural, integrative medicine

A fellow Australian at our ATCA training led us to her son’s extraordinary holistic doctor, Dr Robyn Cosford in Sydney, who started providing answers to Tom’s physical decline at our very first appointment thanks in part to some biological test results that showed the extent of the damage. He was literally breaking down internally.

By that time, I had spent nearly 12 months asking conventional doctors why Tom seemed to get sick more often, more obviously, and for much longer than his brothers, why his energy levels were so low, why he was so gaunt and grey, why he didn’t want to play outside anymore. All I was told was “there’s a wide range of normal” or “he has autism” – and I know now just how inadequate those responses were.

With a wholefoods-based diet, herbal medicine, supplements and total avoidance of processed non-foods, refined sugars, flavours, colours and enhancers (basically, anything with numbers on the back of the pack), Dr Cosford guided the restoration of Tom’s physical health. Slowly but surely, his confidence grew. He started to smile and laugh again. He went into our backyard to play cricket, bounce on the trampoline, ride his bike. He resisted less, and interacted more. He regained some skills he’d lost, and developed new ones. He looked like a strong, fit, rosy-cheeked little boy.

I give thanks for those rosy cheeks every night. They are so precious to me.

3. Neuro-developmental exercises

Another Son-Rise mum led us to the HANDLE Institute, which gave us some simple, fun neuro-developmental exercises that encouraged Tom’s brain to be plastic, integrate information and learn critical new skills. By laying down new neurological pathways, some of the dusty country roads in Tom’s brain have become speedways – and his crippling sensory challenges have all but disappeared as a result.

Together, these three interventions have helped Tom to grow and thrive naturally. Indeed, they make up the ‘three-legged stool’ of his development, because none would have worked as well without the support of the others. And I know that whether or not he ‘recovers’ is irrelevant, because the word itself misses the point for me. Autism is part of what makes him the person he is, and even though I want to ensure he develops as much as he possibly can, I would never want him to ‘recover’ from being him.

Of course, every child – including children with autism – is different, and different children respond to different things.

What I can say for sure is that our experience with Tom – and the healing professionals we’ve worked with – has taught us many things, from the importance of living in the present and celebrating life’s little moments, to the body’s ability to heal itself and the power of ‘food as medicine’. It has shown us that Tom is our teacher, the one who encourages us to be the most unconditionally loving, generous and grateful people we can be.

As a bonus, it has also helped my whole family overcome a range of niggling health issues – including my youngest son’s asthma and my own lifelong struggle with eczema. And I’ve been inspired to build on my scientific background and undertake RMIT’s Masters of Wellness so I can help others find answers too.

For me, that’s the meaning of ‘the gift of autism,’ and hopefully I’ll pay it back in spades in time.

Find out more at Nichola’s blog: www.aliveandwell.co.

Half way through a prep K class we were (repeatedly) called in to the school. He showed no respect for authority, was disturbing the other kids and was displaying signs of anti-social behavior. After he threw a complete tantrum outside the toy shop one day I asked what he had eaten and he told me his teacher had given them all RED Jelly at school, because they were learning about the colour red. I immediately knew there was a connection between his behavior and the red food colour in the jelly.

Researching I found the FAILSAFE group and did the elimination diet and he settled a little. I needed to know more because I realized Failsafe was not really dealing with the underlying cause and was struggling to justify extreme dietary changes to family and friends even though his behavior was improving.

IGG and IGE tests found antibodies to 17 foods. This led us to explore Leaky Gut Syndrome and remove GLUTEN/CASEIN. If the gut is leaking the undigested proteins (glutamorphein/casomorphein) interact with Opiod centre of brain responsible for sensory perception/memory function. Commenced probiotics to replenish gut with good gut flora plus digestive enzymes.

The lights went on! My son became alert and awake – started asking questions became curious about the world .Sacro-Cranial Therapy and Homeopathy helped. At the MINDD conference realized there was a whole biomedical world I had not yet explored. I went online and began searching…

A Biomed Doctor tested zinc levels and prescribed zinc B6 essential vitamins and Omega oils plus detoxing with Epson Salt Baths and Footsies (placed on sole of foot they withdraw impurities) also daily Ambrotose for cell to cell communication plus Liver Life drops for liver regeneration and protection

I removed all possible toxins from our home, and started to buy organic produce. and cooked more traditional foods, including broths, chicken soups and whole foods and recently removed corn/soy to allow his gut to fully heal

Every day I hold him in my heart and bless him and let him know that he is safe loved and supported. In all likelihood it will be a two year process to bring him back into balance, and then a lifetime of learning and managing his wellbeing. The gift to our family is that we have all started on a healing journey exploring our innate ability to intuitively and intelligently self monitor/self heal and are more aware of the connection between our damaged planet and our depleted bodies and what we put into our system and how it makes us think, feel and act.